“And I thought: Really, you think that’s scary? If you only knew—I’m actually much scarier.” Moving forward, this will be my only response to nonsensical bullshit. THANK YOU for all of you and your writing.
Oh, friend. I have been off of social media for almost two weeks, and I feel like I am writing so much more and more authentically than before. I cannot even imagine having people "know" me in the way that you have people THINK they know you on the internet. I wish being a woman on the internet wasn't so hard and heartbreaking. Your mental health is so important, you must protect it all costs.
Oh my goodness. Stop it. I feel too seen. Leaving purity culture to only enter a new one-this captures the experience so well and provides me with a lot more compassion for why this has been so hard. I turned off all comments and DMs about a year ago on social media—I was having a similar creative crisis and wanted to preserve deep-focused work. Appreciate you talking about this.
YES! I just discovered the life-changing magic of turning off dms and I feel so empowered. Glad to know I'm not the only one who absolutely had to shift. xx
Yay (to closed DMs)! It does mean my reach is quite a bit smaller -- an individual post used to get million plus views. From a "content creator" side it makes zero sense to turn comments off, from a human side it's the best thing I've done for my mental health this year.
I do ... all comments off. If people want access to my mind, they must email me or join my community—avenues that reduce reactionary communication and anonymity. Essentially, I require a person to be human before accessing my mind.
Again ... this is horrible business advice ◡̈ But has been really good for me. Negative comments tend to linger in my mind as intrusive loops, so I've become protective of who gets into my head. My accounts all still grow but I'm sure much slower than if I hadn't made this change.
Thank you as always for your vulnerability. There's so much in this essay that I want to sit with and turn over as I ask myself similar questions about where I want to go.
Your art is worth every penny. It saddens me that you had to undergo such nonsense from people whose opinions don’t matter.
Allow me to throw my opinion onto the pile of feedback that you’ve received: your writing has impacted me deeply and inspired me to write more.
On more than one occasion, you have put words to the visceral, beautiful ache of humanity and femininity, while holding compassion for the masculine, and have fostered healing in doing so. I have thought of subscribing many times and am frankly happy to have the push to make a decision to subscribe.
I’m happy to have an option to continue reading your writing. You are amazing at what you do.
I’d like to think that those of us who pay for the privilege to witness your work feel a salve for our tender hearts & souls.
After reading “Woman in the Dating Pool”, I sense there’s an incomplete grief in men. “Woman Behind the Paywall” tells me that wound dwells in us all.
To live from the heart in a world that demands one consume everything is a coronary thrombosis in the making. Today’s read was necessary medicine for my heart. Thank you for reminding me that I cannot help but live beat, by tiny beat.
"To live from the heart in a world that demands one consume everything is a coronary thrombosis in the making" ---So beautifully written, Vince, and I so fully agree.
I met a wild woman, wandering alone in the foothills of the Rockies. Her fading red lipstick underscored that she had once known home, but the dust in her boots told me she had been traveling for some time. She bade me not to turn back East, for she had encountered a troll in the darkness of the forest there.
Don't worry, I said, I passed it on the way to this place. I too was nervous at first, seeing the large shadow looming across the forest floor. In that moment I happened to feel curious, or bold, or both, and I pushed towards it. What I found when I uncovered it was a sad creature, made to look fearsome through the trickery of careful lighting.
It was hunched over, dripping with a noxious slime from it's rotten mouth. It's bloated belly overshadowing shunken testicles kept close to its body in coldness and fear. This creature was only dangerous in the sense that it smelled of sadness and hate, but it lacked any real power or sense of itself.
As I approached it let out a growl like a rabid dog, but even that did not hold it's form, as it vacillated to yawp and whimper. Be Still I said, in the way you address all wild things, and it was still.
I finished telling this story, chest swelling a little in pride at my own bravery. Seeing this she let a small smile escape, but continued to look at me with some measure of concern. I'm glad that you saw one so clearly, she said, but did you see the hundred more right behind him?
"I want words with teeth and a pulse. I want to make slow, chewy art." This. This is what I'm here for. Looking forward to more of your writing and joining this safe space.
I crave the words from those who can take the wars of my tangled insides and dance with them so eloquently and freely…as if it’s a Sunday morning in their living room, unraveling the chains on my heart and making my soul feel seen and understood with words I couldn’t find for myself but felt with my whole being. Joy, we are so lucky to be invited here and I’m thankful that you’re willing to fight for and protect your rawness. I hope you feel safe here. Because some of us need to hear ALL of what you have to say.
The internet can be a place of so much connection and growth, and also all of the things you just mentioned in this article. I have had to (and still have to) redefine my relationship with how I create and what I share and when I share it , and complete understand what you’re doing. I’ll be right there with you to find a space where we can fully show up as our humans self and all its messiness, when and how we want 💛
And I meant to add, you are one of my favorite authors to read by far - love read your “popular” words and your “unpopular” words and everything in between
“And I thought: Really, you think that’s scary? If you only knew—I’m actually much scarier.” Moving forward, this will be my only response to nonsensical bullshit. THANK YOU for all of you and your writing.
Ha! YES, I was like "Oh reader, you ain't seen nothing yet." xx
Oh, friend. I have been off of social media for almost two weeks, and I feel like I am writing so much more and more authentically than before. I cannot even imagine having people "know" me in the way that you have people THINK they know you on the internet. I wish being a woman on the internet wasn't so hard and heartbreaking. Your mental health is so important, you must protect it all costs.
Thank you, my friend. xx
Oh my goodness. Stop it. I feel too seen. Leaving purity culture to only enter a new one-this captures the experience so well and provides me with a lot more compassion for why this has been so hard. I turned off all comments and DMs about a year ago on social media—I was having a similar creative crisis and wanted to preserve deep-focused work. Appreciate you talking about this.
YES! I just discovered the life-changing magic of turning off dms and I feel so empowered. Glad to know I'm not the only one who absolutely had to shift. xx
Yay (to closed DMs)! It does mean my reach is quite a bit smaller -- an individual post used to get million plus views. From a "content creator" side it makes zero sense to turn comments off, from a human side it's the best thing I've done for my mental health this year.
This is so interesting! I'm curious--do you turn off comments on posts AND dms? I still have comments on, but no reply to IG stories.
I do ... all comments off. If people want access to my mind, they must email me or join my community—avenues that reduce reactionary communication and anonymity. Essentially, I require a person to be human before accessing my mind.
Again ... this is horrible business advice ◡̈ But has been really good for me. Negative comments tend to linger in my mind as intrusive loops, so I've become protective of who gets into my head. My accounts all still grow but I'm sure much slower than if I hadn't made this change.
Thank you as always for your vulnerability. There's so much in this essay that I want to sit with and turn over as I ask myself similar questions about where I want to go.
Excited for your writing journey and the insights you reach as you go. xx
Your art is worth every penny. It saddens me that you had to undergo such nonsense from people whose opinions don’t matter.
Allow me to throw my opinion onto the pile of feedback that you’ve received: your writing has impacted me deeply and inspired me to write more.
On more than one occasion, you have put words to the visceral, beautiful ache of humanity and femininity, while holding compassion for the masculine, and have fostered healing in doing so. I have thought of subscribing many times and am frankly happy to have the push to make a decision to subscribe.
I’m happy to have an option to continue reading your writing. You are amazing at what you do.
Gah, thank you Alexis. xx
Your writing & speaking are Medicinal, Joy.
I’d like to think that those of us who pay for the privilege to witness your work feel a salve for our tender hearts & souls.
After reading “Woman in the Dating Pool”, I sense there’s an incomplete grief in men. “Woman Behind the Paywall” tells me that wound dwells in us all.
To live from the heart in a world that demands one consume everything is a coronary thrombosis in the making. Today’s read was necessary medicine for my heart. Thank you for reminding me that I cannot help but live beat, by tiny beat.
"To live from the heart in a world that demands one consume everything is a coronary thrombosis in the making" ---So beautifully written, Vince, and I so fully agree.
I met a wild woman, wandering alone in the foothills of the Rockies. Her fading red lipstick underscored that she had once known home, but the dust in her boots told me she had been traveling for some time. She bade me not to turn back East, for she had encountered a troll in the darkness of the forest there.
Don't worry, I said, I passed it on the way to this place. I too was nervous at first, seeing the large shadow looming across the forest floor. In that moment I happened to feel curious, or bold, or both, and I pushed towards it. What I found when I uncovered it was a sad creature, made to look fearsome through the trickery of careful lighting.
It was hunched over, dripping with a noxious slime from it's rotten mouth. It's bloated belly overshadowing shunken testicles kept close to its body in coldness and fear. This creature was only dangerous in the sense that it smelled of sadness and hate, but it lacked any real power or sense of itself.
As I approached it let out a growl like a rabid dog, but even that did not hold it's form, as it vacillated to yawp and whimper. Be Still I said, in the way you address all wild things, and it was still.
I finished telling this story, chest swelling a little in pride at my own bravery. Seeing this she let a small smile escape, but continued to look at me with some measure of concern. I'm glad that you saw one so clearly, she said, but did you see the hundred more right behind him?
"I want words with teeth and a pulse. I want to make slow, chewy art." This. This is what I'm here for. Looking forward to more of your writing and joining this safe space.
Yes, I can't wait! I'm already working on so much for stuff to share and feeling so excited to do it was a lovely community. So glad you're here. xx
I crave the words from those who can take the wars of my tangled insides and dance with them so eloquently and freely…as if it’s a Sunday morning in their living room, unraveling the chains on my heart and making my soul feel seen and understood with words I couldn’t find for myself but felt with my whole being. Joy, we are so lucky to be invited here and I’m thankful that you’re willing to fight for and protect your rawness. I hope you feel safe here. Because some of us need to hear ALL of what you have to say.
Oh! What kindness this message is and from a fellow Joy! xxx
The internet can be a place of so much connection and growth, and also all of the things you just mentioned in this article. I have had to (and still have to) redefine my relationship with how I create and what I share and when I share it , and complete understand what you’re doing. I’ll be right there with you to find a space where we can fully show up as our humans self and all its messiness, when and how we want 💛
And I meant to add, you are one of my favorite authors to read by far - love read your “popular” words and your “unpopular” words and everything in between
Thank you so much, Audrey. xx